Taking Brief Moments of “You-Time”
Living in our society, so many of us have received the subtle message that if we take time for ourselves, it is selfish. Unfortunately, that has led a large portion of Americans to focus on others in lieu of managing and understanding themselves. When we focus primarily on others without self-awareness, we are often not feeling empowered or uplifted.
This article is a reminder that we can’t focus only on ourselves or always put our attention on others – we must do both. We need to take care of ourselves and others equally – starting with ourselves. If we truly want to see more equality in the world, we must start within and expand out to others from there. We can’t give to others if we have nothing to offer and end up depleting ourselves. Each of us has the capacity to fill our own cups and then give to others. We are all deserving of attention, particularly coming from the one life-long friend who will always be there – you!
When we take time to focus on ourselves, and then focus our attention on others to give back to them, there is more of a balance of giving and receiving. This is the reciprocal nature of the universe in harmonious relationships. If we focus just on ourselves or just on others, we can feel imbalanced and out of harmony with ourselves.
“You-time” doesn’t have to be a full day at the spa. It can be brief moments that help us ground and replenish, offering care and kindness in the present moment. This awakens a gentleness that lightens the heart. Start by checking in with yourself a couple of times a day and build from there. Take the time to fill your cup with the attention, appreciation, and love that you find helpful from others. Rumi stated, “never give from the depths of your well, but from the overflow.” Take the time to assess the fullness (or emptiness) of your well. Learn how to listen within to understand how your inner world works.
Many patients I have spoken with over the years express feelings of guilt when taking time for self. You are never selfish in taking “you-time.” Selfish is focusing on self without ever giving thought to others. You can check-in and give yourself attention even in the act of doing something for someone else. Take a breath and offer a bit of love to yourself, especially in difficult situations that are taxing and depleting. Meet the moment as best you can and be there for yourself, just as other loved ones may be there for you. Stay curious about what is happening whenever feelings of guilt arise. Check-in with yourself on where this belief comes from and why you do or do not believe it. Ask yourself, am I doing anything wrong? Am I in balance and in good relations with myself to have better relations with others?
A little bit of “you-time” really goes a long way. Sometimes when I feel depleted, it takes only a few minutes of attention within and some deep breaths to fill my cup again. Remember that the perception of what you have in your cup influences how you feel. We just need to remember ourselves and give attention, appreciation, and love. From here, it’s always easier to give quality care from the overflow.
If you are interested in working out self-care techniques to aid in creating more “you-time” – I will be holding an in-person workshop called Developing and Practicing Skills for Self-Care: A Mindful Morning on May 18th from 10-1pm. For more information, go to my website https://www.drlisatempleton.com/selfcare.