Compassion blends empathy—the ability to understand and share another’s feelings—with a willingness to actively ease suffering. Many of us care deeply about the world's pain yet often feel powerless to make a real difference.
The truth is that the most powerful place to begin is within. Compassion begins quietly, often in the spaces we overlook within ourselves. If you've ever struggled to show yourself the same kindness you offer others, know that you're not alone. This is a gentle reminder — and a guide — to help you notice the places where compassion feels hard, and to lovingly begin again.
By turning inward and offering care to our own suffering, we recognize our essential role in collective healing. Self-compassion isn’t always easy, though. Certain obstacles can make it especially challenging to access kindness toward ourselves. Here are five common roadblocks to self-compassion—and how to move through them:
1) Resistance: “I don’t want to shift yet.”
Sometimes we simply don't want to change. When we’re deeply angry or hurt, shifting toward compassion can feel impossible—or even undesirable.
Counter-move: Notice your resistance without judgment. It's okay to feel what you feel. Give yourself space to process and observe how the energy of resistance impacts your mind and body. When you're ready, compassion will still be there waiting.
2) Exhaustion: “I’m too tired to care.”
There are moments when we’re simply drained. Compassion can feel like another demand we can't meet. In these moments, numbing or checking out often seems easier.
Counter-move: Rest without pressure. Practice slow, deep breathing. Let yourself be exactly as you are. True compassion often begins with acceptance of your present reality, without forcing a shift.
3) Lack of Context: “Why am I feeling this way?”
We are often better at imagining the backstory behind others' behaviors than offering ourselves the same grace. Without recognizing the full context of our own lives, our emotions can feel overwhelming or unjustified.
Counter-move: Step back and consider your life context. What ingredients – stress, grief, transitions, unmet needs, cycles – are fueling your feelings? Give yourself the same compassion you’d extend to a struggling friend. What might you say to a loved one in the same situation?
4) Anger and Frustration: “Why do I have to do the work when no one else does it?”
It’s easy to feel resentful when it seems like you're carrying the emotional labor others aren’t even acknowledging. This mindset can build frustration and feed resistance to compassion.
Counter-move: Remember that shifting is your choice. No one else’s readiness or awareness can dictate your peace. Notice how anger feels in your body—are you clenching burning coals in your bare hands to throw at others? Meet your anger with curiosity, honor its messages, and choose compassion for your own sake.
5) Bias: “I don’t deserve compassion.”
Hidden beliefs can block our ability to care for ourselves. You might think that self-compassion is selfish, that you don’t have enough time, or that softness will leave you vulnerable. If you’re accustomed to focusing on the negative, compassion can also feel foreign and uncomfortable.
Counter-move: Pay attention to the beliefs that surface around self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself when these biases arise. Keep challenging these biased thoughts with, “I don't have to believe everything I think.” The more you practice, the more natural compassion will feel.
Self-compassion isn't about perfection; it's about practice. By recognizing and working through these obstacles, we move closer to the powerful truth: Healing ourselves is not separate from healing the world. Remember, every moment you choose compassion — even when it feels awkward or difficult — you are creating a new rhythm within yourself. Be patient. Healing takes time, tenderness, and many small, courageous steps. You are already on the path.